I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
