I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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