erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
