i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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