you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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