Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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