we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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