careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
