that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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