Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
