I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
