Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
