I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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