You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Randomize
