We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
