I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
