Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have tasted many bathrooms
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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