so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
