Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
