i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so that wasnt chicken after all
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
bring money and cleavage
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
