while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Every concussion has its silver lining
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
