You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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