I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
