i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
