what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
