Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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