"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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