I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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