Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
