You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
