I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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