Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
