is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
