They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
