does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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