So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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