It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
