Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
