i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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