The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
