gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
