yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
