Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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