im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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