apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
