is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
