i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
