like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
