I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
