She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
