I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
