i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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