Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
