I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
