I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
