hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
