I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I will be naked everywhere
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
