remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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