Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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