who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
