i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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