just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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