even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
