apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
