then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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